DEAR Jasminda,
WE are organising a large birthday function and there are relatives that don’t get along with each other.
How do we ensure no one feels left out while still making it an enjoyable experience for everyone?
Harriet P.
Dear Harriet,
If your large family events traditionally look like an episode of Dr Phil, it can be challenging to navigate the day to ensure it’s
enjoyable for everyone.
The most important person on the day is not Aunt Phyllis, who, half-tanked, always brings up a misunderstanding from 2003, or Cousin Jarrad, who has done time for arson and wants to commandeer the fire pit.
No. The most important person is the birthday guest of honour and, frankly, everyone else needs to get over it and on with it.
To ensure the day goes well, preempt any issues by calling the warring factions and explaining that both parties will be there.
If they can’t bring themselves to be civil, one will most likely opt out.
You can then catch up on another occasion. Problem solved.
If, however, they are all adamant that they will attend, explain that it’s a special day, so they can either be civil, or at least keep their distance.
If you’re inviting a lot of people, there will always be a peacekeeper (usually the person employed as a life coach and/or masseur).
Potential hostilities can often be sidestepped with diversionary tactics.
A casual announcement like, “Oh, wow, is that Aunt Julie’s Mars Bar and Nut slice?” works well.
Food is a brilliant appeaser, particularly since it is quite hard to argue when there’s a Macadamia nut lodged in one’s esophagus.
Limiting the amount of alcohol and/or having a strict finish time is also a good idea, as is having the event in a public location.
If it all starts to go pear-shaped, you can at least leave them to it.
If the function is at your place, you’re stuck with whatever eventuates (including Cousin Jarrad’s impromptu firestick demonstration and Aunt Phyllis’s tabletop dance of the seven veils).
Carpe diem,
Jasminda.
