‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

My friend gave me a book for my birthday.

When I started to read it this week, I noticed it had been signed by the author but addressed to her, not me!

Should I bring this up with her?

It’s obviously second-hand.

I’m a bit offended.

Miriam L.

Dear Miriam,

People have very different relationships with books.

Some keep treasured books for a lifetime, carefully cataloguing them and rarely lending them.

If they do, they inscribe them with a message such as, ‘Books are like friends to me. I want them to return.’

Other people couldn’t care less.

They are happy to share their books with anyone and if they come back again it’s a bonus.

They certainly don’t have a spreadsheet of books they own, where the books came from, whether or not if they were gifted, or if they received a book two years ago after standing in a tedious queue for an author signing.

The treatment of books is also a polarising topic.

There are those who keep their books in pristine condition, always using a bookmark, storing them in a bookcase away from sunlight, and giving them the reverence that the author (earning below-minimum wages to fulfil a writing dream and now having an existential crisis over AI) would appreciate.

Others are happy to read in the bath, dog-ear the pages, and spill gravy or beetroot on the pages because they eat and read concurrently.

With your friend, it seems as though her biggest flaw has been to be a bit absent-minded.

Perhaps it is a very special title, one that means a lot to her, and she has had it sitting around for some time, finally deciding that you would be the perfect recipient.

For example, I have a copy of the children’s book Badjelly the Witch, addressed to me and signed by Spike Milligan.

If I gifted this to a niece or nephew, their parents would hopefully recognise the significance.

Alternatively, your friend is a bit of a cheapskate, or very bad at the fine art of regifting.

Suffice to say a regifted present should be carefully checked for telltale signs such as signatures, engravings, a missing jigsaw piece, or, if perishable, a date past its use-by status.

If the book looks unread, and it’s a book you will enjoy, let it go.

If you feel otherwise, you could always return the volley by letting her know it was such a good book that you insist she reads it.

Then, when she turns the cover, she will see ‘To dear Belinda …. ‘ crossed out and replaced with ‘Dear observant Miriam’.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.