‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

FOR five years, I have been minding a friend’s dog (Minty) while they go on holidays.

This is usually no problem; the dog and I get on very well.

This time, though, I was left with instructions that Minty (who is 15) now eats breakfast at 4.30am and dinner at 3.00pm every day, and that she gets upset when she isn’t fed at those times.

Despite this, Minty slept in until 7.00am, which is when I fed her.

I was also told that Minty whines if she doesn’t get her walk at 9am, however we walked every evening at 6.00pm and she was just fine.

The other instruction was that she was very frail and so could only walk to the end of the street, however, she had boundless energy, so we walked to the next suburb.
Should I tell the owner?

Rosie P.

Dear Rosie,

Dogs are very much like children.

They develop certain behaviours with their parents, but will respond to other people in an entirely different way.

I think a lot of it comes down to boundaries and expectations from all involved parties.

I know this, because I own a show dog.

Now, in the ring, with his show handler, he will trot around in a square, and stand to attention, and

let a stranger *throat clear* check his testicles to make sure they are present and of equal size (I don’t make the rules, Rosie), and he has done this so many times that he is now a champion.

At home, however, he is more like Jake the Muss out of Once Were Warriors.

He gets in people’s faces.

He brawls with dogs that don’t look like him (so he’s also apparently a racist).

To make matters worse, he likes to watch moments of intimacy (giving off serious Jeffrey Epstein vibes).

It’s all very worrisome.

The point I’m trying to make, though, is that dogs (like children) are very adaptable (and very manipulative).

In this instance, Rosie, I think you should just keep quiet about Minty’s change in routine.

It’s not like she’s going to report back that you’ve not followed the dog-sitting checklist.

As long as you handed her back with a similar disposition and physicality as you received her, I think you’ve done well.

You may have even taught Minty a few important lessons.

That 4.30am nonsense isn’t sustainable.

I’m pretty sure she knew you were onto her.

If Minty has now gone back to her old ways, so be it.

It’s not for you to deal with.

And at age 15, there may not be many more opportunities for you and Minty to conspire together. Possibly none, if her owner reads News Of The Area.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.