‘On the couch’ with Jasminda

DEAR Jasminda,

My new girlfriend chats incessantly as soon as she wakes.

I prefer to ease into the day.

How can I get our morning routines in sync?

Karl B.

Dear Karl,

I’m with you on this one.

My husband’s mouth seems to wake up before the rest of him.

From the moment his eyelids flick open, he is wired and ready for action.

The conversation usually starts with some doom-scroll statistics, interspersed with high volume, high rotation Instagram reels that can be anything from a Bob Katter rant to a South Park skit to a solar battery rebate analysis.

For good measure he’ll throw in a few conversation starters like, ‘the BAS is due today’ or ‘how could a grandparent pick up the wrong baby?’

At this point my mind has left its dream-like state to instead ponder first-world disasters, political anomalies and tax evasion strategies.

And I’m not happy about it.

No, I’m more of a ‘don’t speak to me until my second cup of tea’ kind of girl.

I like to Wordle in silence.

I like to read the news headlines in silence.

I’m very happy to have a cup of tea delivered, but I don’t want to talk about it.

In fact, I’m not really keen for a chat until after my shower, and I certainly don’t want to be disturbed during it.

The first 30 minutes can set you up for the rest of the day.

If you kick off with negativity or over-stimulation, it can be hard to get your mind and body back into sync.

Perhaps you and your girlfriend can have a discussion about your personal preferences and some non-negotiables.

Let her know that you are happy to talk, but not while you’re still rubbing sleep out of your eyes.

You may even be able to agree on a morning routine.

Your girlfriend could chat with a friend, for example, while you do some yoga stretches.

Or she could join an early-risers walking group while you make breakfast for you both (in a blissful state of silence).

Also, if you and your girlfriend progress to being parents one day, let me warn you that no one can out-talk a toddler first thing in the morning.

They wake up like Everready Bunnies – fully charged and wanting answers.

You will then be grateful that your girlfriend chats incessantly, so she can respond to the rapid-fire questions with equal enthusiasm.

Carpe diem,
Jasminda.