DEAR Jasminda,
I was recently being led to my medical appointment by a young intern when I accidentally broke wind. It was loud and it was pretty clear that I was the culprit.
I am in my mid-fifties. I was mortified.
Should I have said something to him?
Brook S.
Dear Brook,
First of all, let’s normalise this. According to medical sources, the average person breaks wind, as you so delicately put it, somewhere between five and 20 times a day.
Since you were in a medical facility, I have no doubt that the intern has had this happen multiple times in the past.
The hallway is also far less offensive than the consulting bed (particularly if you’re horizontal with legs akimbo during an Ob Gyn consultation).
Given the quality of food in hospital cafeterias, he has probably also been a bit windy himself on occasion.
Should you have said something?
This is very much a contextual decision.
If, for example, you had been in the company of family or close friends, it would have been perfectly acceptable to laugh it off (or blame the dog).
Dogs are wonderful scapegoats because they can’t talk back and if they do whine to defend themselves, it just adds more validation to your argument: “Why did we get that dog in the first place? Not only does it stink, but it won’t shut up.”
Just be very careful, if you are a guest in someone’s home, that you check the finer details.
I was once told a story about a person who kept blaming a friend’s dog on his own bowel issues.
It turned out the dog, who sat quietly in the corner all night minding its own business, was so well behaved because it had been taxidermied.
I’d avoid owning up in professional settings and I feel your medical appointment falls into that category.
The intern probably remained confidential until he conferred with his family later in the day saying, “You wouldn’t believe the number of middle-aged ladies that just let it rip in the corridor. It’s like a scene out of The Nutty Professor. Maybe I should have stuck with accountancy.”
Carpe diem,
Jasminda.
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