DEAR Jasminda,
It’s Normine B again. It was so much worse than you imagined.
As my brother in law was ripping down the driveway, he knocked over my prize geraniums, breaking the pot and my heart while he was at it.
The dog thankfully came away unscathed, but the cat wasn’t so lucky.
He now has a bruise on his nose.
I’m thinking of filing a lawsuit. What do you think?
Normine B
Dear Normine,
While I would not normally respond to two conundrums from the same person, I now feel emotionally involved in your life (a dangerous position for an Agony Aunt to be in).
This morning, I woke to a frightful vision of your brother fanging it down the driveway in his (noiseless) Tesla, hence not alerting the dog or cat.
I then imagined him careening into your prized geraniums, a shard of terracotta flinging against his bumper and slicing through his “I bought it before he was crazy” sticker (a foreshadowing of your brother’s declining mental state that those following along should take note of).
The dog (a white Shitzu) now alert to the ruckus, bolted under the house and managed to commando roll in a sticky black substance hidden there for a future fireplace restoration.
When he emerged, he looked more like Pepe le Pew.
It was not his finest moment and an ominous precursor to his showdog potential the following weekend.
Meanwhile, while your head was buried in your lap (crying over spilt geraniums and your diminished social standing at the Brinsdale Best in Show Extravaganza), Calvin (your rare Exotic Shorthair with attitude) took the Tesla head on (quite literally).
That he came away with only a bruised nose (and ego) was a miracle in this otherwise cataclysmic (intentional witticism) evening.
Normine, I feel as though this situation is getting too unwieldy to remedy.
I don’t recommend a lawsuit, which would be a drawn-out process with no winners.
Sort of a cross between Careful, He Might Hear You and Wolf Creek.
Normine, you need to rise above the situation and let bygones be bygones (though I doubt Calvin will forget this anytime soon).
Re-pot some new geraniums (a tad too obvious metaphor for regeneration) and hold your head high.
Carpe diem,
Jasminda.
